Just a brief entry. Had a brilliant day, will write all about it another time. Now here's some videos. Like I already wrote on Facebook
And the next video is that of the funny apple chomping juggler.
And from all of this, from having had a great day I realized a few things. First of all, I saw this act once before I went to play that day. I watched with excitement how they played these makeshift instruments and listened to the beat of it. I was engulfed in the beat and in the moment. But when the performers said that the spectators could also participate and actually play i froze. I wanted to SO much but something stopped me and in that moment I hated the person I was.
The performers took a break, promising to come back. I vowed to myself I'd come back as well and play. I got support from the beautiful Hopkins' and armed with new found confidence we went to see them again.
And again I froze. It wasn't the fear of failure as I didn't feel there to be any judgement.
And standing there in the crowd I made an angry, desperate plea to myself: I've come all this way to live my life. I've come all this way to fight my demons and if not win, at least give them a run for their money. And all the struggles and the long journey to find peace and happiness I'd falter at the first hurdle.
And I won! I won the argument with myself and had fun. The kind of fun that envelops you, takes over everything and sits into every atom of your being. I felt alive, I felt free and at one with the music. I felt that life was sharing a secret with me, that beauty and courage and enjoyment is there, in every moment as long as you're wiling to open up to it and let go of the things holding you back.
Of course I understand that not every day is Carnival. But the lesson is there. That every day holds a moment of beauty and serenity. And sometimes the whole universe is wrapped in that one moment.
The performers took a break, promising to come back. I vowed to myself I'd come back as well and play. I got support from the beautiful Hopkins' and armed with new found confidence we went to see them again.
And again I froze. It wasn't the fear of failure as I didn't feel there to be any judgement.
And standing there in the crowd I made an angry, desperate plea to myself: I've come all this way to live my life. I've come all this way to fight my demons and if not win, at least give them a run for their money. And all the struggles and the long journey to find peace and happiness I'd falter at the first hurdle.
And I won! I won the argument with myself and had fun. The kind of fun that envelops you, takes over everything and sits into every atom of your being. I felt alive, I felt free and at one with the music. I felt that life was sharing a secret with me, that beauty and courage and enjoyment is there, in every moment as long as you're wiling to open up to it and let go of the things holding you back.
Of course I understand that not every day is Carnival. But the lesson is there. That every day holds a moment of beauty and serenity. And sometimes the whole universe is wrapped in that one moment.
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